Sunday, June 21, 2009

Food Inc.

We went to see the movie Food Inc. today. WOW. It is a very powerful movie. Anyone wanting to know more about our food supply and what you are possibly putting into your system should see this movie and/or get the book. You and your family deserves to SEE what this movie is all about. The movie totally reaffirms for me why I only buy organic free range chicken and organic grass fed beef.

Did you know that in everyday chicken that you buy at the store that is NOT organic that antibiotics are in the chicken feed? Did you know that cows are meant to eat grass and NOT corn? They feed cows corn so that they grow faster but it kills their digestive system and it is because of that they get E-coli.

They also talked about how high the incidence rate of diabetes is now a days and that for people born after the year 2000 1 out of 3 children will develop diabetes.

It was a very powerful movie. That is why I talk so much with my friends about what we put in our bodies. Our bodies weren't designed to eat all this processed food. Our bodies weren't designed to consume so much regular and diet soda. It is a sad state of affairs when it is cheaper to eat a dollar menu from a fast food establishment than it is to go buy fresh whole food. Let's do what we can to help each other and help educate each other!!

Sunday, June 7, 2009

My current Journey

WOW! What a ride the last two weeks have been!

Let's talk about the power of opening yourself up to people who you know. Close to two months ago I was out with some friends of mine from my Compulsive Eating Program and we were talking after lunch. One of them was telling me about this quote by Marianne Williamson:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

This really caught my attention and then I immediately went home and looked her up on her webpage, I decided that I would join her mailing list. A couple weeks later I got an e-mail letting everyone know that she and Deepak Chopra were having a joint event here in the Los Angeles area. WOW!! I was so excited. I looked at the price and it was $249 per person. I thought that is a lot of money and right now that is an issue for us. Then I noticed the site said that there were scholarships available. I clicked on the link and sent an e-mail off to inquire about the scholarships. I got an e-mail back saying that they were giving partial scholarships only so as many people could come as possible and I was asked how much can I afford. I responded back that for my husband and I we could spend $150 total. I got a quick response back letting me know that we could go! I was so excited. It was one of those times that I really felt like I was on a path led by God.

On Saturday May 23rd Randy and I went to the Ritz Carlton in Marina Del Rey and spent the day with 500 other people. We took so many notes and got so much out of Marianne Williamson and Deepak Chopra. They were both phenomenal. I even got to stand up and have a little interaction with Marianne Williamson which I will write about in a different blog post.

Then there was another event coming put being put on by: which was on May 29, 30 and 31st. Again money was coming up for me with that event. I then got a message on Facebook from my angel Dawnelle Hyland letting me know that if I had not registered she had a free ticket! I got the message instantly that something was going on in the universe and I had to go. It was another awesome weekend. I had not taken that kind of time for myself in a very long time. I got very clear on where I am and what I need to do going forward. Which I will talk more about in many other blog posts.

I could have very easily ignored what I call signs from God or the universe and not gone at all. However, it all felt "right." I am so grateful that I listened to my intution because I feel like this is the path that God wants me to be on. I don't know where it is going to end up someday but I have reawakened old dreams and learned some new tools and healed some old wounds!!

The biggest thing I learned is that it is my time to pay forward all that I have received in my lifetime of experiences and personal growth. That is what I am about now is helping other people transform their lives and making a difference wherever I can. I am very excited to continue on this journey which for today I have no idea where it will end up but I now know that as long as I am present right now that the future will happen as it is supposed to!!

I love all of you for your support and am blessed to have all of you in my life.

Huggz. :)

Marriane Williamson

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Monday, May 25, 2009

Listening to my body

I will never forget when I was 13 or 14 I was astonished how my uncle stayed so thin and he never finished what was on his plate. I remember saying to him, “How do you know when you are full?” He replied, “I eat until I am satisfied and then stop.” I remember thinking, “What are you talking about?” I have never understood that concept and I still don’t. I am a member of the “Clean Plate Club.” My grandmother really drilled that into my head because I had to eat for the starving kids in China and Russia. All these years no matter what was on my plate I always have to finish everything. I feel like I have been out of touch with my body for a very long time and the truth being known probably about 30 years since I was 13. That is when I started eating to stuff down my emotions after my mother passed away two months before my Bar Mitzvah.

I realized quickly that if I ate enough food at the right times that I didn’t have to feel whatever feeling was going on at the time. By overeating enough at the right times I could go to sleep or just “veg” out in front of the tv with food. As I got into my mid twenties I noticed that I had a lot of gas and was going to the bathroom a lot. When I had these “episodes” it would be smelly enough that I could have probably been used as a weapon. Years and years went by and I was never able to correlate what was going on with my body in relation to what I was eating. At some point I just surrendered and said to myself, “This is just the way my body is.” Meanwhile I was struggling with food and always feeling hungry.

In 1999 after I found a 12 step group for compulsive eaters. I learned a new way of eating and started eating 3 meals a day. That is where my work began in relation to my eating issues. That is when I learned that I didn’t need white sugar or white flour anymore. That is also when I learned about eating different vegetables. Still through all of this I was still having my issues with gas and having to go to the bathroom a lot. Again I just assumed that this is what my body is like and I never pursued anything further.

Fast forwarding to March 2009 I am still dealing with those same issues. I have gained back 80 of the 100 pounds I lost and feeling horrible in many different ways. I was having such issues with gas, bloat, and diarrhea. Just plain feeling horrible and at the end of my rope. I was gaining weight like crazy and I was certain that it was water retention and bloat. The crazy thing was that I was eating what I considered to be healthy. What I didn’t realize was what I was eating albeit healthy was making me sick.

I finally decided to call a friend of mine who is into holistic health type work and knows a lot about nutrition from her own learning’s. I told Vicky what was going on and she asked me to tell her what I was eating. I proceeded to tell her what I was eating during the whole day. Then when I told her that I was eating 1 pound of raw vegetables with lunch and 1 pound of raw vegetables with dinner she couldn’t believe it. She asked me if I were a horse and she said that I was eating enough rough vegetables for a small family every day. We then further discovered that my problems were happening after lunch and dinner. She immediately made me change my diet. For one week I was not allowed to eat any vegetables at all and only simple grains like oatmeal, yams and sweet potatoes. I couldn’t eat anything that was loaded with fiber. That night when I had my new way of eating at dinner I felt so good it was crazy. After a week I gradually added a little bit of vegetables here and there. She also told me that if my body did flare up that drinking mint or chamomile tea would help calm things down.
What I learned out of this is I can no longer not listen to my body and I have to pay attention to what my body is telling me after I eat certain foods. I have had to give up spicy foods for now because of how it makes me feel. I can’t eat the quantities of raw vegetables like I used to. Vicky taught me how to eat all over again and I haven’t felt this good in years. I started losing weight again. I only weigh myself once a month but as of the last time I weighed I lost 10 pounds. I hadn’t lost any weight for such a long time I didn’t think it were possible anymore. My mind is so much clearer now. I think because of how my body was interacting with what I was eating it was causing my depression and also my body wasn’t absorbing the food it was eating. I discover now that I can eat slower, eat more wholesome foods and feel fuller longer. I have made the decision to eat for the most part totally organic. I will only by organic grass fed beef and organic chicken. I also increased my water intake to half of my body weight in ounces. There are times when I make a mistake and my body flares up. I whip out my mint or chamomile tea and usually that corrects it.

What I learned out of all of this is we are all different and we have to do what works for us. Knowing what I know now I would have done this a long time ago. I feel so good these days and haven’t felt this way in a long time. There is a wealth of information out there that tells us so many different ways to eat. If what we are doing is not working and we cannot figure it out then we have to go to someone who can help us. If I didn’t have my friend Vicky to go to I would have gone to a nutritionist. We have to listen to what our body is telling us otherwise we don’t know the damage we could potentially be causing.

I was sharing this with some friends of mine recently and unbeknownst to me one of them went to a nutritionist because of her issues. After going to this doctor she has found out that she has an ulcer. Had she not gone to this nutritionist she would have never found out that she had an ulcer which could have caused other problems down the road. She came up to me a few weeks later to share with me that after I shared with her what was going on with me that she too hadn’t been listening to her body.

Although we want to fit in and we want to find an easy answer to help our bodies. We have to remember that we are all different and our bodies may require different things sometimes. There are experts out there to help us when we cannot help ourselves. I am so grateful to my friend Vicky who has forever changed my life.

Monday, May 11, 2009


I have really learned to love Mondays. I USED to dread Mondays. I have discovered that Monday's are my favorite day of the week! It is a fresh start to a brand new week and a brand new moment in time. I get to create whatever I chose to create for my week and I have found that it's all about my attitude. When I keep an open mind and positive attitude, no matter what my week goes great. That doesn't mean that challenges don't appear along the way it means that when those challenges appear I am much better equipped to deal with them when I have an open mind.

You have a fantastic and glorious week!! The week is yours and you can paint your canvas however you chose!!

Let me know your thoughts about Monday's.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Mothers Day, Expectations and etc...

Wow. What a week this has been. It is nice to be able to sit down for a bit and write about what is going on with me. I keep reminding myself that writing is healing and perhaps what I write about could help someone else. It just has been one of those crazy weeks. Maybe it's something in the universe I have heard a few people say thte same thing about this past week.

One thing that became very apparent for me this week is the importance of sleep. I am one of these people that if I don't get 7 - 8 hours of sleep a night I am no good to anyone. I get cranky and crazy when I don't get proper rest. I had a couple nights this week that I got to bed after 10:30 which is just way to late for me. I am usually up every morning between 4:30 and 4:45 which means I need to get to bed no later than 9:30. When I get proper rest I can think better, I perform better, my mind is clear, my food is clean and I can just be a better person with proper sleep.

I have heard from different people this week that, "Expectations are resentsments waiting to happen." It's funny when I first heard that expression last week I thought to myself. Duh, it's a no brainer, how obvious. Funny that a week later I again hear that same phrase and think the same thing to myself. Then not one hour later I call my step mom and tell her I'd like to come by and see her for Mother's Day. This is not something I planned out. It just happened on the spur of the moment. She told me that she was on her way out the door and had other plans. After we hang up I find myself upset and in tears. I am thinking to myself. "I can't believe she isn't going to be home." I am feeling sorry for myself and having a pity party. Then it hits me a little while later. If I truly had the intention of spending time with her today I would have planned this in advance and not wait to the last minute. Based upon results it really was my intention to have this pity party, feel sorry for myself and not see her today. Instead of being happy that she was going to be spending time with other people. I was upset that she wasn't going to be home for me to come by and see her. Crazy, huh?? This is just another reminder that the world does not revolve around me and that I have to plan things out.

Perhaps it was my way of creating chaos on Mother's Day. This day is a mixed bag for me. My mother passed away when I was 12 in 1978. Most years it's okay for me but sometimes it's not. It really depends on what is going on in my life at that moment. I am very grateful that my step mom was able to go out and spend some time out with other people. She doesn't do that very much so I am truly happy for her.

I am also grateful that I can sit here and write about what is going on without having go overeat. Even now as I write this I feel myself calming down and feeling so much better. This is such a huge step for me. My first instinct is to just eat and stuff the feelings. I have to admit writing this feels so much better than eating!! I am beginning to practice what I preach. I tell people all the time to carry around a notebook in their car and write when something comes up to help stay away from the food. It truly does work. :)

Everyone have an incredible week this coming week. Happy Mother's Day to all Mother's and Mother figures!!

Monday, May 4, 2009

One of my favorite quotes

"Our Deepest Fear"

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” by Marianne Williamson

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Taking Action

Wow what a week this has been! The biggest thing on my mind right now is all about ACTION. I have spent a long time focusing on the negatives in my life and taking NO ACTION. I would spend hours contemplating life and feeling sorry for myself. When I am in that state of mind not only am I having my own "pity party" but I am more than likely eating my brains out. I really never needed a reason to eat in the past. It didn't matter if I was happy, sad, angry, lonely or whatever emotion I was having my reaction was to eat no matter what was going on.

That is how I learned how to cope with life. I started self-medicating with food when I was 12 years old when my mother died having battled with breast cancer. Nobody in my family really knew how to deal with me or what to do with me. My family was all about food. From that point on all my coping mechanisms were to go for the food. Then when I was about 15 I started smoking and then I added that to my list of "coping mechanisms." Then somewhere along the line I picked up overspending. For all these years I have used those 3 addictions at times by themselves and sometimes all three together.

This is the first time in my life I am not using any of those addictions to cope with life. I am so grateful for that. However I am dealing with the wreckage that those addictions have created in my life today. I am working with the issues that I have created and they have effected other people that I love in my life. I know that with each day I can create a new life for myself. I cannot go and change the past. I also can't dwell on what I have done nor can I sit here and contemplate the future. It's high time that I just take the action that I desire. Which is exactly what I am now doing. I have started in a pilot program with the nutritional company I am working with to learn how to do more marketing with the Internet. I have a table at an event this Friday to promote the same nutritional products.

Where I have to be careful though is not to overwhelm myself. My pattern in the past when I started feeling good again was to over commit and then get totally overwhelmed. Then when I am so full of anxiety because I get myself in a turmoil I just quit everything. I then return to my cave and begin the pattern of isolation and eating all over again. The difference this time is I am conscious of the fact and am actually vocalizing the truth! I also get to fit in going to the gym which is my medicine and also a part of my new career!! I have a lot to be thankful and grateful for in my life. I have a lot of awesome people in my life that are such a great support and I can also support them back. There are some people that I have met on some of the social networks that I have never met before in person or even talked to on the phone but are wonderful people and I am better for having met them.

It feels so good to finally feel good not only physically but also in my mind and spirit. Although these are some of the most challenging times of my life. I also feel the most hopeful that I have ever felt before and I can actually visualize myself in my life's dreams. What I am committing to myself for this week is to finish the homework that I have been assigned from the marketing program I am involved and also sitting down to write very specific long and short term goals. Then to post them all over the place as a constant reminder of what I am creating. I am also not paying attention to all the negativity in the press and news. I am so tired of all the fear that is out there in the universe. I am about creating love, abundance, passion, and all the possibilities that exist. I am committed to being part of the positive change. You do the same thing!!

My message to all of you is take action on what is important and don't think about it. Trust the process, let go and it will happen. It's time for all of us to focus on the positives and leave the negatives out of the space.

What are you committing to this week? What positive change are you going to create this week in the world? What actions are you committing? What are your goals and dreams? I'd love to hear what is on your minds as well.

I heard an incredible motivational speaker this past Sunday and he challenged us to do something nice for someone every single day. I challenge all of you to do the same thing.

Hugs to all of you!!


Saturday, April 25, 2009


I have been doing a lot of soul searching lately and a bit of reflecting. Doing too much reflecting can be dangerous and can waste a lot of time. At times doing some reflecting can be helpful depending on what you do with the information.

I have had some incredible dreams, goals and passions for years. The issue has been that is all they have been are thoughts in my head with little to no action around them. The pattern I keep seeing is what I used to call "lack of follow through." What I have discovered is that it wasn't that I didn't want to accomplish these things it was I chose fear instead of chosing the goal.

On December 21, 1999 I started my journey with a 12 step food program. While in this program I lost 100 pounds in about a years time and felt great. I also started working out with an incredible trainer named, Cynthia. She was the BEST personal trainer I had ever worked with. She taught me to stay away from the scale and that how much body fat I had was more important than what the scale had to say. She kicked my ass and I really got into fitness. The interesting thing was that she started out her career in banking and I am in the banking profession. While I was working with her I started asking questions about becoming a personal trainer. I decided that I was going to become a certified personal trainer and began the process through ACE. I worked my butt off to get that certification and I remember after I took the test at UCLA I was so drained. I had no idea how I even did on the test but at that point it didn't matter. I ended up passing the exam and became a certified personal trainer. That was in July of 2002. At that time i was coming up on almost a year off work and I had a decision to make. Either I go back to work in a bank or I become a personal trainer. It woudl have been a perfect time for a career change because I had money in the bank and could make up the difference while I got my business off the ground.

That is not what I chose. I chose fear instead and decided to go the "safe" route and go back to work at a bank. I was also going to California State University, Northridge part-time and majoring in Kinesiology. Between work and school I made no time for myself at all. The workouts stopped and shortly after the eating healthy stopped as well. After about a year of doing that I dropped out of school as well and went to work full-time. Within a year of that I had almost gained back all of the weight that I had previously lost. I have spent all that time beating myself up, being depressed and there were many days I just gave up on life all together.

After all this time I was never willing to let my ACE certification expire. I did what I had to do to keep it current and renewed it every 2 years. Everytime I read anything about fitness and/or excercise I get very excited and passionate about that. I have recently decided that it's time to get off my ASS and get back to work. I recently totally changed my diet and have never felt better in my life. I don't believe in "diets" but I do believe in eating healthy and through that the weight will come off. I also recently just got back from a 7 day cruise in the Mexican Riviera on the Carnival Splendor and did 3 spin classes and a bunch of treadmill work. It felt so good to excercise again.

I have always had a dream of helping other people with their struggles with themselves, weight, wellness, excercise, food addiction and doing motiviational speaking. I am now doing something about it. First I need to take care of myself by eating healthy and getting myself back to a healthy weight plus being physically fit. I am beginning to write my goals on paper and visualize them. I have a lot to give and I could help a lot of people out there who are struggling. I have spent many years struggling with food addiction and I am now ready for a NEW chapter in my life. This new chapter is all about me getting out of my own way and doing what I feel was meant to do on this planet which is to teach, motivate and coach people.

I am realzing now that it is never too late to begin again. I am still young at 43 years old and have a whole lifetime ahead of me and to truly save myself it's time for me to start giving away what I have learned all these years.

Be good to yourself!

The Beginning

We all have to start somewhere right?  I have been saying for a long time that I was going to start a blog.  The time has finally come for me to make this a reality!  There are a lot of things that I have wanted to make happen for a very long time but there was no action behind anything.  The time is now for me to make things happen and put myself out there so I can live the life I want to live.  The purpose of this blog is so that I can share with whomever would like to read what is going on with me, my successes, my challenges, my experience, my strength and hope. If there is even one person that my blog will help then it is all worth it!!  If you have any comments, suggestions or whatever else please let me know.  I am very excited to get this off the ground and look forward to whomever would like to join me on my journey.

Saturday, February 28, 2009