Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Taking Action

Wow what a week this has been! The biggest thing on my mind right now is all about ACTION. I have spent a long time focusing on the negatives in my life and taking NO ACTION. I would spend hours contemplating life and feeling sorry for myself. When I am in that state of mind not only am I having my own "pity party" but I am more than likely eating my brains out. I really never needed a reason to eat in the past. It didn't matter if I was happy, sad, angry, lonely or whatever emotion I was having my reaction was to eat no matter what was going on.

That is how I learned how to cope with life. I started self-medicating with food when I was 12 years old when my mother died having battled with breast cancer. Nobody in my family really knew how to deal with me or what to do with me. My family was all about food. From that point on all my coping mechanisms were to go for the food. Then when I was about 15 I started smoking and then I added that to my list of "coping mechanisms." Then somewhere along the line I picked up overspending. For all these years I have used those 3 addictions at times by themselves and sometimes all three together.

This is the first time in my life I am not using any of those addictions to cope with life. I am so grateful for that. However I am dealing with the wreckage that those addictions have created in my life today. I am working with the issues that I have created and they have effected other people that I love in my life. I know that with each day I can create a new life for myself. I cannot go and change the past. I also can't dwell on what I have done nor can I sit here and contemplate the future. It's high time that I just take the action that I desire. Which is exactly what I am now doing. I have started in a pilot program with the nutritional company I am working with to learn how to do more marketing with the Internet. I have a table at an event this Friday to promote the same nutritional products.

Where I have to be careful though is not to overwhelm myself. My pattern in the past when I started feeling good again was to over commit and then get totally overwhelmed. Then when I am so full of anxiety because I get myself in a turmoil I just quit everything. I then return to my cave and begin the pattern of isolation and eating all over again. The difference this time is I am conscious of the fact and am actually vocalizing the truth! I also get to fit in going to the gym which is my medicine and also a part of my new career!! I have a lot to be thankful and grateful for in my life. I have a lot of awesome people in my life that are such a great support and I can also support them back. There are some people that I have met on some of the social networks that I have never met before in person or even talked to on the phone but are wonderful people and I am better for having met them.

It feels so good to finally feel good not only physically but also in my mind and spirit. Although these are some of the most challenging times of my life. I also feel the most hopeful that I have ever felt before and I can actually visualize myself in my life's dreams. What I am committing to myself for this week is to finish the homework that I have been assigned from the marketing program I am involved and also sitting down to write very specific long and short term goals. Then to post them all over the place as a constant reminder of what I am creating. I am also not paying attention to all the negativity in the press and news. I am so tired of all the fear that is out there in the universe. I am about creating love, abundance, passion, and all the possibilities that exist. I am committed to being part of the positive change. You do the same thing!!

My message to all of you is take action on what is important and don't think about it. Trust the process, let go and it will happen. It's time for all of us to focus on the positives and leave the negatives out of the space.

What are you committing to this week? What positive change are you going to create this week in the world? What actions are you committing? What are your goals and dreams? I'd love to hear what is on your minds as well.

I heard an incredible motivational speaker this past Sunday and he challenged us to do something nice for someone every single day. I challenge all of you to do the same thing.

Hugs to all of you!!


Saturday, April 25, 2009


I have been doing a lot of soul searching lately and a bit of reflecting. Doing too much reflecting can be dangerous and can waste a lot of time. At times doing some reflecting can be helpful depending on what you do with the information.

I have had some incredible dreams, goals and passions for years. The issue has been that is all they have been are thoughts in my head with little to no action around them. The pattern I keep seeing is what I used to call "lack of follow through." What I have discovered is that it wasn't that I didn't want to accomplish these things it was I chose fear instead of chosing the goal.

On December 21, 1999 I started my journey with a 12 step food program. While in this program I lost 100 pounds in about a years time and felt great. I also started working out with an incredible trainer named, Cynthia. She was the BEST personal trainer I had ever worked with. She taught me to stay away from the scale and that how much body fat I had was more important than what the scale had to say. She kicked my ass and I really got into fitness. The interesting thing was that she started out her career in banking and I am in the banking profession. While I was working with her I started asking questions about becoming a personal trainer. I decided that I was going to become a certified personal trainer and began the process through ACE. I worked my butt off to get that certification and I remember after I took the test at UCLA I was so drained. I had no idea how I even did on the test but at that point it didn't matter. I ended up passing the exam and became a certified personal trainer. That was in July of 2002. At that time i was coming up on almost a year off work and I had a decision to make. Either I go back to work in a bank or I become a personal trainer. It woudl have been a perfect time for a career change because I had money in the bank and could make up the difference while I got my business off the ground.

That is not what I chose. I chose fear instead and decided to go the "safe" route and go back to work at a bank. I was also going to California State University, Northridge part-time and majoring in Kinesiology. Between work and school I made no time for myself at all. The workouts stopped and shortly after the eating healthy stopped as well. After about a year of doing that I dropped out of school as well and went to work full-time. Within a year of that I had almost gained back all of the weight that I had previously lost. I have spent all that time beating myself up, being depressed and there were many days I just gave up on life all together.

After all this time I was never willing to let my ACE certification expire. I did what I had to do to keep it current and renewed it every 2 years. Everytime I read anything about fitness and/or excercise I get very excited and passionate about that. I have recently decided that it's time to get off my ASS and get back to work. I recently totally changed my diet and have never felt better in my life. I don't believe in "diets" but I do believe in eating healthy and through that the weight will come off. I also recently just got back from a 7 day cruise in the Mexican Riviera on the Carnival Splendor and did 3 spin classes and a bunch of treadmill work. It felt so good to excercise again.

I have always had a dream of helping other people with their struggles with themselves, weight, wellness, excercise, food addiction and doing motiviational speaking. I am now doing something about it. First I need to take care of myself by eating healthy and getting myself back to a healthy weight plus being physically fit. I am beginning to write my goals on paper and visualize them. I have a lot to give and I could help a lot of people out there who are struggling. I have spent many years struggling with food addiction and I am now ready for a NEW chapter in my life. This new chapter is all about me getting out of my own way and doing what I feel was meant to do on this planet which is to teach, motivate and coach people.

I am realzing now that it is never too late to begin again. I am still young at 43 years old and have a whole lifetime ahead of me and to truly save myself it's time for me to start giving away what I have learned all these years.

Be good to yourself!

The Beginning

We all have to start somewhere right?  I have been saying for a long time that I was going to start a blog.  The time has finally come for me to make this a reality!  There are a lot of things that I have wanted to make happen for a very long time but there was no action behind anything.  The time is now for me to make things happen and put myself out there so I can live the life I want to live.  The purpose of this blog is so that I can share with whomever would like to read what is going on with me, my successes, my challenges, my experience, my strength and hope. If there is even one person that my blog will help then it is all worth it!!  If you have any comments, suggestions or whatever else please let me know.  I am very excited to get this off the ground and look forward to whomever would like to join me on my journey.