Wow. What a week this has been. It is nice to be able to sit down for a bit and write about what is going on with me. I keep reminding myself that writing is healing and perhaps what I write about could help someone else. It just has been one of those crazy weeks. Maybe it's something in the universe I have heard a few people say thte same thing about this past week.
One thing that became very apparent for me this week is the importance of sleep. I am one of these people that if I don't get 7 - 8 hours of sleep a night I am no good to anyone. I get cranky and crazy when I don't get proper rest. I had a couple nights this week that I got to bed after 10:30 which is just way to late for me. I am usually up every morning between 4:30 and 4:45 which means I need to get to bed no later than 9:30. When I get proper rest I can think better, I perform better, my mind is clear, my food is clean and I can just be a better person with proper sleep.
I have heard from different people this week that, "Expectations are resentsments waiting to happen." It's funny when I first heard that expression last week I thought to myself. Duh, it's a no brainer, how obvious. Funny that a week later I again hear that same phrase and think the same thing to myself. Then not one hour later I call my step mom and tell her I'd like to come by and see her for Mother's Day. This is not something I planned out. It just happened on the spur of the moment. She told me that she was on her way out the door and had other plans. After we hang up I find myself upset and in tears. I am thinking to myself. "I can't believe she isn't going to be home." I am feeling sorry for myself and having a pity party. Then it hits me a little while later. If I truly had the intention of spending time with her today I would have planned this in advance and not wait to the last minute. Based upon results it really was my intention to have this pity party, feel sorry for myself and not see her today. Instead of being happy that she was going to be spending time with other people. I was upset that she wasn't going to be home for me to come by and see her. Crazy, huh?? This is just another reminder that the world does not revolve around me and that I have to plan things out.
Perhaps it was my way of creating chaos on Mother's Day. This day is a mixed bag for me. My mother passed away when I was 12 in 1978. Most years it's okay for me but sometimes it's not. It really depends on what is going on in my life at that moment. I am very grateful that my step mom was able to go out and spend some time out with other people. She doesn't do that very much so I am truly happy for her.
I am also grateful that I can sit here and write about what is going on without having go overeat. Even now as I write this I feel myself calming down and feeling so much better. This is such a huge step for me. My first instinct is to just eat and stuff the feelings. I have to admit writing this feels so much better than eating!! I am beginning to practice what I preach. I tell people all the time to carry around a notebook in their car and write when something comes up to help stay away from the food. It truly does work. :)
Everyone have an incredible week this coming week. Happy Mother's Day to all Mother's and Mother figures!!
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I am always having a rough time on Mother's Day ever since Mommy passed away. So many regrets...so little time...but very grateful for what we DO have. I have always tried to remind myself not to have any expectations so I won't be disappointed. This is very difficult. Life is hard. But, we can do hard! We've been doing hard all of our lives! We are strong and courageous! We will overcome all obstacales! Onward...one day at a time.
ReplyDeleteYour Loving Sister, Donna