Fear

I have been doing a lot of soul searching lately and a bit of reflecting. Doing too much reflecting can be dangerous and can waste a lot of time. At times doing some reflecting can be helpful depending on what you do with the information.

I have had some incredible dreams, goals and passions for years. The issue has been that is all they have been are thoughts in my head with little to no action around them. The pattern I keep seeing is what I used to call "lack of follow through." What I have discovered is that it wasn't that I didn't want to accomplish these things it was I chose fear instead of chosing the goal.

On December 21, 1999 I started my journey with a 12 step food program. While in this program I lost 100 pounds in about a years time and felt great. I also started working out with an incredible trainer named, Cynthia. She was the BEST personal trainer I had ever worked with. She taught me to stay away from the scale and that how much body fat I had was more important than what the scale had to say. She kicked my ass and I really got into fitness. The interesting thing was that she started out her career in banking and I am in the banking profession. While I was working with her I started asking questions about becoming a personal trainer. I decided that I was going to become a certified personal trainer and began the process through ACE. I worked my butt off to get that certification and I remember after I took the test at UCLA I was so drained. I had no idea how I even did on the test but at that point it didn't matter. I ended up passing the exam and became a certified personal trainer. That was in July of 2002. At that time i was coming up on almost a year off work and I had a decision to make. Either I go back to work in a bank or I become a personal trainer. It woudl have been a perfect time for a career change because I had money in the bank and could make up the difference while I got my business off the ground.

That is not what I chose. I chose fear instead and decided to go the "safe" route and go back to work at a bank. I was also going to California State University, Northridge part-time and majoring in Kinesiology. Between work and school I made no time for myself at all. The workouts stopped and shortly after the eating healthy stopped as well. After about a year of doing that I dropped out of school as well and went to work full-time. Within a year of that I had almost gained back all of the weight that I had previously lost. I have spent all that time beating myself up, being depressed and there were many days I just gave up on life all together.

After all this time I was never willing to let my ACE certification expire. I did what I had to do to keep it current and renewed it every 2 years. Everytime I read anything about fitness and/or excercise I get very excited and passionate about that. I have recently decided that it's time to get off my ASS and get back to work. I recently totally changed my diet and have never felt better in my life. I don't believe in "diets" but I do believe in eating healthy and through that the weight will come off. I also recently just got back from a 7 day cruise in the Mexican Riviera on the Carnival Splendor and did 3 spin classes and a bunch of treadmill work. It felt so good to excercise again.

I have always had a dream of helping other people with their struggles with themselves, weight, wellness, excercise, food addiction and doing motiviational speaking. I am now doing something about it. First I need to take care of myself by eating healthy and getting myself back to a healthy weight plus being physically fit. I am beginning to write my goals on paper and visualize them. I have a lot to give and I could help a lot of people out there who are struggling. I have spent many years struggling with food addiction and I am now ready for a NEW chapter in my life. This new chapter is all about me getting out of my own way and doing what I feel was meant to do on this planet which is to teach, motivate and coach people.

I am realzing now that it is never too late to begin again. I am still young at 43 years old and have a whole lifetime ahead of me and to truly save myself it's time for me to start giving away what I have learned all these years.

Be good to yourself!